Skip navigation

Category Archives: Vegetable Torture

Even a person as amazing as me must resolve some things.  This year I must burn more phonebooks.  I must stab more vegetables.  I must reach 500 comments.  I must conquer the world.  (Three out of four isn’t bad, though.)


Today was a wondrous day of not much labor.  Rather, it was quite fun.

I stuck a knife in the face of a squash.  Its face, yes.  I drew it on with a black Sharpie last night around 11:30.  I stuck it all the way through its head.

I also burned a phonebook today.  It was fun.  I got the idea a few days ago and I just decided to do it today.  It burned a lot, but I still have the spine and the remnants of a few pages, which I will be taking to school on Tuesday.  It’s pretty epic.  And it smells like burnt… phonebook.

To end today, I ate the squash at dinner.  His torture was short-lived, unlike Jim the Potato’s, for those of you who are familiar with him.  For those who aren’t, that is another story for another time.