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Grocery shopping with my mother is fun, mostly because I’m surrounded by food, but today was especially fun, thanks to some old guy.  He was standing in my mother’s way as she was pushing the cart.  When he became aware of this, he excused himself, and said to my mother, “You can hit me if you want.”

This was a shocking and hilarious thing to hear from him, but if that wasn’t enough, he pointed to his wife and said, “Whenever I get in her way, that’s what she does.”  He pointed to a bruise on his hand.  “You see what she did?  She’s so mean!”

He finished with this: “She’s so mean, I saw her pushing little ducks into the water!”  I assume that’s old-person-speak for “she cuts up puppies to eat”, or similar.

Likely the coolest old guy ever.



  1. That’s hilarious. It was so funny that my leg swung out and I accidentally hit the cat. She’s okay.

    What I don’t get… what’s wrong with pushing ducks in the water? Aren’t ducks adapted to such environments? I’ve seen quite a few ducks swimming in ponds. Nonetheless, spousal abuse is not a laughing matter. (smile) Smiling is okay.

  2. The ducks thing confused me a bit too. Mind you, these are not direct quotes; I know the way he said it made it seem more like a cruel thing to do rather than a helpful one.
    Cat abuse is not laughing matter either. Someone call animal control.

  3. Dude. You are indirectly responsible. If I hadn’t laughed, my leg wouldn’t have spazzed.

  4. But the cat isn’t in my house. Your cat. Your responsibility.

  5. I love my cat. Much like hamsters, they taste awesome with ketchup. ❤

  6. After you shave them, of course.

  7. That’s racist. And yes, she is still partially bald. It’s pretty funny.

  8. I love hamsters.

  9. Is it weird that this gets funnier and funnier? I have a Pomeranian in my yard right now. I am not sure what it is doing there. I want to pick it up. (Note, I didn’t say cut it up.)

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