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At long last, I have completed my so-far-short life, by purchasing the most epic Lego set of all time, when it was finally made available yesterday.  After five months of waiting, I finally got it.  It is a fully remote-controlled excavator.  I built it in a few hours last night, and have had so much fun playing with it.  It moves forward and backward, steers, has a rotating upper body, triple-jointed arm, and it’s YELLOW!  Now that my life journey has ended, I can spend more time updating the blog for my single fan and that one guy who never in a zillion years would admit to be my fan and doesn’t read my blog too often because he can’t get it on his phone and is too lazy to go to a computer and find it there (the former knows who the latter is, I’m sure).  Whoa.  Ridiculously long sentence.  Cool.



  1. Just to make sure we’re not being prejudice here, there may be a dozen ninja lemurs out there reading your blog, and you wouldn’t know because they haven’t put their thumbs to good use and voiced their opinion. You just made a dozen ninja lemurs weep inside Sam. Also, just curious, but what makes you think that your life journey has ended? (I will say, that is a great way to end a life journey.)

  2. They only weep for they have been discovered and revealed on the internet, in a place to which everyone has access if they have internet. They admired me for keeping their secrets, and now they believe I have betrayed them to you. How could you? I cannot rest in peace, now, for they will be hunting me down. If they are still reading this blog, it is not my fault, and don’t kill me! Please!

  3. I’ll come to your funeral, and say something nice about you.

  4. Waaait. If you’re being hunted and possibly may die… can I have any of your belongings related to Pearls? Unless, you like willed them to Ian…

  5. Why would I? He doesn’t deserve them. You can have “Sgt. Piggy’s Lonely Hearts Club Comic,” “Lions and Tigers and Crocs, Oh My!,” “The Crass Menagerie,” “Pearls Sells Out,” a variety of Pearls strips my grandmother cut out of her newspaper for me (which I would probably give to you anyway), my account, my rat T-shirt (if you want it, weirdo), but NOT my croc stuffed animal. That will be buried with me. In the unlikely event of my death, I bequeath to thee my unreasonably vast collection of “Pearls Before Swine” paraphernalia.
    Also, as you should have noticed (though no one seems to) I’ve been diagnosed with various debilitating diseases and will die soon whether the lemur-ninjas or Lucas the elite doctor-ninja get me or not.
    I tried to edit your paper, but got bored at page 8. I might have it done in one or two more days, but I’ll need you to explain a few things to me and I’ll have more editing/revising to do as a follow-up of that. By when do you need it to be done?
    Assuming you’re coming to origami club tomorrow, I’ll bring it there. Kthxbai!

  6. Wow, that hurts. AND that’s exactly why I asked you. I knew you wouldn’t like it, so I would be overwhelmed in criticism. That is what I need. It also builds character and humility. I would say that the first eight pages are boring, but you haven’t really gotten to the Whale yet. I guess I shoulda warned you it wasn’t the most exciting plot ever. What am I supposed to do? It was supposed to be a SHORT story.
    I won’t be going to origami tomorrow. We’re leaving for NH/CT tomorrow and won’t be back til next Tuesday. I would prefer you finish it by the tenth. If you don’t…then what the heck, forget it all together. You can always e-mail me, I put that on the last page, if you ever get there. I’ll be able to check it all week… supposedly.

  7. Yeah… Like I said, I have no life, so I noticed the thing about your “diseases” a month ago. And, I didn’t care a month ago. (Assuming it’s all a bunch of bull.) You need to be more clear and explain. It was all very vague. Except the part about Maxx and I giving you money. I need a detailed description for me to actually be able to sympathize… let alone fork over the dough.

  8. It would be difficult for me to email my questions, as they are not easily explained and you wouldn’t get the full experience of my spastic hand gestures. Good thing you won’t be at origami, because I’m definitely not finishing editing/revising today. I’ll probably read The Jungle all day (I’m on ch 13, pg 130 or something), with the exception of origami and possibly mowing the lawn and eating and sleeping and watching television and blogging. The end.
    You still never told me when this thing is due. The real end.

  9. Sam, it’s kinda of frustrating, because you’re so helpful, yet… not so helpful. But I know I’m lucky. Beggers can’t be chosers… Spastic hand gestures are worth the face to face experience, but I don’t have the time. Although, I don’t understand how there can be any if it’s so boring. (Technically, you could give them to me and TALK to me next Thursday, ’cause I’ll be back then.) My project is due… I will be “judged” or whatever either on the 14th or the 15th. Most likely that Saturday. Maybe it’s just because I’m not good at talking to people face to face, especially after conflict, I just was hoping you’d do it (harsh) send it and the end, happily ever after… amen. Plus, you really are making such a big deal about it, adnd it’s really freaking me out, like stress. And, it’d be a lot easier on my strained soul if you just e-mailed me rather than me talking about my personal problems which are brocasted all over the Internet, read by your many fans…
    Congrats on making progress with the Jungle. I am on chapter 9, but I am still figuring how I’ll survive everything.
    What did you do for origami? BTW, Peter wants you to post a picture of the Excavator on your blog. I told him about it.
    Thanks for everything.

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