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The unicorn donned some cool goggles and hooked his skis to the boots on his feet.  He slid down the rainbow.  I emerged from beneath, carrying a message of utmost importance for the unicorn.  He collided into  me, and my stomach was thrust out of my throat.  It jumped off the edge of the rainbow and burned up in the atmosphere quite quickly (for the atmosphere on Venus is quite thick).  I slapped the arm emerging from his back, which seemed to satiate it, for the time being.  I told the unicorn, “Arise, pterodactyl of the night, and spread thy wings at daybreak to metamorphose into a cockroach of slime and filth and death and darkness and evil.   And so arose the creature, and from its mouth emerged a lizard, which exploded upon contact with the sunlight.  The unicorn’s eyes melted out of its skull, and it was blind until eternity ended and all hope became irrelevant to the hippopotamus in the rhinoceros pit of fire acorns.  And I wept at its punishment, a perilous journey to the center of the universe, where all the stars burn with the rage of those who were murdered without their consent.



  1. I have a slight confession: I read Maxx’s blog. It was all worth it Sam. (50% because of the comments, maybe…)I will say that out of the million blogs I have read, nothing beats our good friend Mr. Pastis.(The man is untouchable) Also, I’m doing this creative writing thing for 4-H and one of the reqiurements is to keep an “idea file” (loose snippets, ideas, articles) I printed off this page because it’s brilliant and stuck it in there.

  2. What. The judges for power of the pen had no idea of the genius they had write a paper for them. It must of been a privilege to read your papers.
    This post was just spell checked.

  3. Okay. I have nothing better to do right now except for some Geometry, Biology, Dickens and a paper for something you wouldn’t care about and has something to do with being Catholic. Pish. SO. I found an old blog post and decided to spam it.

  4. Today I was thinking about unicorns, actually. My brother drew one on my desk and it makes me laugh because my mother thinks that we need to strengthen “our sibling relationship” and that seems lame to me. So I try to be nice and ask him to do stuff like sign my desk and sure, he gets really into it and starts drawing an American Airlines plane and some guy shooting at a leprechaun… and the (leprechaun) happens to be by the pot of gold, at the bottom of the rainbow, and the unicorn is at the top of the rainbow and I can’t even remember why he couldn’t just write three letters.

  5. I meant to ramble on right there because I know how much you like to spit on souls.

    I used to go through this phase where I realized how cool it made me look to spit whenever I was walking somewhere. Unfortunately, I also chose to spit at the exact time that the wind would pick up and even when I’d encounter success, my mother would catch me and tell me how unladylike it was. I stopped doing it.

  6. I am not eccentric simply because my mind is in a state of ennui. I am not eccentric because my parents shaped the mold. I am not eccentric at all. Some conformist part of me would like to believe that I could be, but that’s just another label. I did not stick that paper clip in the socket because I knew that it was badass or that it’s make a good story. I did it because… I could. And I can control things like that. And I didn’t have a reason to be afraid. And I am alive. So there.

  7. See. I am just prosing away this place. When you’re a stupid poet who entertains a stupid audience (cough-cough, Rebecca Black)… it’s easy to get by…

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